HOW ARE YOU?
picture credit: www.desicomments.com
Most days we get asked this question 'how are you? and the answer we usually give is - 'I am Fine.'
-----
But really, are we truly fine when we give this response? Do we really mean it or are we just saying 'I am Fine' as our way of escaping any further probe from the person asking us the question?
------
My reality is that, I am not always 'fine.' There are days I feel angry, helpless, hopeless, anxious, fearful. There are days when I feel like the weight of the universe is on me and no one seems to understand. Yet I show up wearing a smile like makeup to conceal the burden on my heart. I join in conversations, I laugh, I do everything to conceal what I am truly feeling just so I am not thought of as being emotional, weak or fragile. But isn't this what we are - fragile, weak, emotional beings.?
------
The idea that telling someone 'I am not fine' will put us up as failures in life is alien to humanity. We have always been a frail people and have thrived by helping ourselves through our frailties. ------
The reason why you buy a pen is no different from the reason why you seek counselling about your addiction to porn. Both point to the same fact - you have a need and you need help to meet the need.
-------
Being frail is a need that we share across our humanity. The solutions to our individual needs are available within our humanity. The solution to your abusive relationship or anger issues is not going to come from the moon. It lies with human beings like yourself.
------
So when someone asks 'how are you?' and you truly are not 'fine,' let them know you are not fine and that genuine response can spark off a conversation that eventually yields a solution that you never thought available.
-------
You may be saying "what if the other person takes advantage of my situation and abuses the privilege of the information you share with him/her? My answer is what if they they don't but rather help you come up with a solution?
You have to take the risk.
-------
You see, I am not saying you just tell a stranger you met at the mall how you really are doing just because they asked. But when a person we share some sort of affiliation with overtime like our colleague in the office, a member of our social club, or family members, asks 'how are you?' be genuine in your answer, you never know what solution they might make available to you.
-------
Recently,during a chat with my friend, he mentioned he had access to some funds but he didn't quite need it at that time and so asked if I needed it. Unbeknownst to him, I needed that exact amount to meet a need. So I told him what I needed the money for & my repayment plan. I shared this news with a close relative of mine who felt uncomfortable with the idea. However, I went ahead with my friend's offer and met that need. Imagine if I didn't open up to my friend, he had the solution to my problem with him. Don't be too proud to ask for help!
------
There is no scientific way to know a person you can open up to. It's a subjective selection process that is prone to error. Here are a few ways I have come to make a choice as to who I share some of my personal concerns with:
1) Length of time I have known the person.
2) Pedigree - does the person have the pedigree of keeping confidential information or not?
3) Does the person have the expertise in the area of my struggle or they know someone with such expertise. If you have issues with gambling, you can't be talking to a gambler about your struggle with quitting gambling. He/she is in the same hole you are trying to get out of ... wrong person!
------
In some cases, there are people who fit (2) & (3) who are certified like therapists that we may need to pay to engage their services. In that case, (1) may not come into play in our selection process.
In all, seek an avenue to air your frustrations or struggles. If you can't find people within your circle, you might want to seek a professional for a paid service.
------
Allow yourself to be human. It's okay 'if you are not fine.'
Comments
Post a Comment